Right before I became pregnant, I began treatment for depression and anxiety. Once I discovered we were expecting, I had to stop treatment. I struggled through two trimesters of pregnancy trying not to take medication for fear of risk to my baby. I found support by attending regular therapy sessions and a local pre/postpartum depression support group. Talking about my anxiety and fears with others has been very helpful. I continued to attend once my baby was born. I completely spiraled after her birth with anxiety and depression. She was born at 36 weeks with no complications. I on the other hand hemmoraged and felt useless and overwhelmed. I could barely care for myself and poured my energy into caring for her. I wasn't able to drive and attend groups for a while or see my therapists. My anxiety and depression have good and bad days still,  but the good usually out ways the bad. I try to plan something out of the house every day or get some sun. I communicate with some great friends I met at depression group regularly. I don't feel as alone, but some days are still a struggle. I have an amazing God who loves me when I don't love myself. I have a wonderful husband who pushes me to attend groups and understands when the house is a mess, because I could barely take care of the baby and myself that day. I am blessed to have my mom, stepdad and my in-laws in town to give me the breaks I need even if I say I am fine. I have friends who will check up on me to make sure I am okay,  because they know my husband works graveyards. It's in those darkest times where the light is dim, but gets increasingly brighter with all the love you have surrounding you. When you nurse your beautiful baby who looks up and smiles at you and just makes everything all better. Thank you to everyone who has helped me this far on this roller coaster of a ride. Please consider donating towards my fundraiser. We need more support and people speaking out about postpartum depression, anxiety and mood disorders. I am not ashamed and no one should feel sorry for having a mental illness. Thank you for reading and donating <3

Postpartum Support International's Climb Out of the Darkness is the world's largest event for raising awareness of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, while raising money and building community.

You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well.
If you or someone you know is suffering, PSI can help: Call 1.800.994.4773 or Text 503.894.9453